More Miscellaneanisms

[Miscellaneanism, by the way, is on eof those awesome should-be-words. It's miscellaneous, but as a noun!]

People in chronic pain get very good at waiting. I someitmes feel like I do nothing but wait, from the moment I get up in the morning. I wait for my brain to turn on. I walk very slowly, so I'm constantly waiting to get from here to there. I wait for my friends to notice my pain and offer their help and comfort. I wait for the inevitable, hard-to-answer quesitons I get every day. I wait for my pain to climb, and then I wait for it to fall again. I wait for something I can smile (or hopefully, laugh) at. When sitting voluntarily, I wait until I have to get up; when sitting involuntarily, I wait until I'm able to get up. If I forget how to walk or breathe, I wait for my body to remember how to function again. I wait for the day to end so I can crawl back into bed. My days are overshadowed with waiting for my current doctor to respond to my current question or call with news on my current treatment.

I always post about feeling bad a day or two after I start feeling better. I just can't make words when I'm feeling bad, but I need to write about it.

Oh: conversation with "John" from the other day when I forgot how to walk:

�Come on, Sarah. Pick a chair. Which chair?�
�I can�t. You don�t understand. I can�t move!�
�Alright then, do you want me to bring a chair over here and wheel you over?�
[very small shrug]
[pause]
�Well, I�m going to do that, because I think that would be best.�
[chair arrives]
[very long three minutes in which I manage about two steps a minute]
[frozen again two steps from chair]
�Sit down, Sarah.�
�I�m trying!�
�But�you aren�t going anywhere.�
�I know!�
�Well, when you sit down, I�ll wheel you over.�

Also: Why I hate coaches:

�Sarah, you gotta start changing out and doing some stuff, kiddo.�
�I can�t.�
�You can do upper body stuff, yes you can.�
�Not today, I can�t, not feeling like this. I would if I could.�
���
�You have no idea how bad I feel.�
�There�s other people that feel bad too.�
�NOT LIKE THIS.�
�If you�re gonna argue with me, you need to see Ms. "Smith" [school counselor].�
�I already do, every week.��OK, then I�ll send her an email. And this is the last time you raise your voice to me, you understand?�